Not Just Being Fussy – Why Sensory Differences Can Be A Very Big Deal

Written by: Mark Palmer

Have you ever been in a situation where you have small stone or other object in your shoe, and yet been unable to remove it for some time? Every step is beyond irritating, possibly even painful. It becomes all you can focus on as you count down the time until you will be free to take your shoe off and eliminate the unwanted visitor.

Yet when you do find what has been causing you such discomfort, it may be the tiniest piece of grit imaginable. Perhaps it is so small that you do not even see it leaving your shoe. But the relief is beyond compare.

This is the type of situation that people with sensory differences face on a daily basis. But the “grit” that causes us extreme discomfort is often things that others see as just part of everyday life. As such, they may be much more difficult to address than shaking out your shoe.

Many neurodivergent people, such as those who are autistic, ADHD, or dyslexic, are hypersensitive (having greater sensitivity) or hyposensitive (having reduced sensitivity) in one or more of their senses. Sometimes, that different level of sensitivity is confined to only particular types of stimuli, such as certain textures, types of noise or colour of light.

Just like the grit in your shoe, when we are exposed to something to which we are particularly sensitive, it may rapidly become all we can think about, and we will do almost anything to make it stop. If we cannot find relief, we may have a form of meltdown. This can take many forms, from completely shutting down to crying or shaking as we struggle to cope. It is not nice, and it is not something that anyone would ever choose to do.

Sensory issues can be a particular problem for young children, or others who struggle to communicate what is causing them discomfort. When I was very young, I hated the smell that was ever present in one particular chain of shops. I was too young to read the signs, but I always knew when we were in that store, and I always wanted to leave as soon as possible. This was very difficult for my mother, as she could not smell anything, and it was one of her favourite shops! Yet the smell was so acute for me that I can still recall it vividly fifty years later.

People who are sensitive to texture are often very choosy about the clothes they wear. This is not a fashion statement, but simply a way of avoiding irritants before they happen. The sensitivity may be to particular fabrics, but even when you get that right, apparently minor things like a label, seam, or hem can cause major irritation. Imagine having to wear socks with a small stone in the sole all the time, because the stone is part of the design of the socks! That is the situation that some of us are faced with when we cannot find clothes that meet our needs.

Children especially, may find it hard to explain this. I often find it hard to explain my sensitivities as an adult. But the important point is not so much why they find a particular piece of clothing irritating, but that they do. No amount of telling them that there is nothing wrong with it will make the garment more comfortable, just as telling someone that the room they are in is really not that loud or bright will be of any help to them if they are being overstimulated.

Neurodivergent people often struggle because so much of the world is not designed for the way we experience it. This goes from very big things, like the modern world being full of bright lights and loud noises, to seemingly small things like finding clothes that do not drive us nuts by the way they feel against our skin. But having someone in our corner that appreciates that these things are a big deal for us can make a world of difference.

Very often a small change can be transformative for us. Simply finding clothes that we can wear that will not irritate us is one of those small changes with a big impact. We do not choose to be this way, and we do not complain about things that cause us problems just to be difficult.

Sensory differences are very real. But they do not have to hold people back.

Author: Mark Palmer Mark Palmer is an autistic freelance writer specialising in mental health, autism and neurodiversity.